Turn the Page. I’m a book half unread.
“Manage me, I’m a mess”. We met again.
It’s the 24th time this week. I’ve missed them though, I long to be with them. It’s been a long, tiring day; a tough one. I swear I’m trying to be a good person this time, it’s just the world is not cooperating with me. I feel like I’m stuck in this negative space, I just need to get out. I needed to escape; I badly need to go somewhere.
I always want to stop getting older. Time just runs so fast, I sometimes find it annoying. There’s so much happening from time to time. I feel so suffocated. I’m filled with the earth’s atmosphere of adulthood, paper works, stereotypes, standards, and all such things. I’m so over getting older.
I rushed into my room and locked the door behind me, leaving me and Alex alone. “If I could just find the time, then I would never let another day go by I’m over getting older”, Alex said. I completely agree with him. I still remember the first time I hear him say this, I hope the very same thing. The guys came here too. My heartbeat goes crazy like the sound of the drums. Robert hits it so hard until our frustrations drown. We wave our hands in the air as the guitar strums. Jack strums it with his signature greatness. Zack is cocky as usual. We sat there, banging in the music only we can hear. We uttered the very same thing, every time. It’s like some sort of a spell that casts all my frustrations away. We never get tired though. When he’s here with me I feel like I’m invincible. He makes me feel so fearless. We were so loud. I never fear about how my family would react, I don’t really care about what our neighbors would hear. This is what I dreamt about. This is what I long to feel, the 24th time this week.
I guess free is an understatement, if I was to describe this moment. I’m filled with this crazy energy. My thoughts are stuck in the set of words we utter and shout. The room became full of this crazy smell of freedom. I’m so free from all the standards of this world. As a person, a part of society, I must do well. I’m supposed to study hard. I’m supposed to get a job. I’m supposed to help increase the economy of my country. I must help my family, my friends, and the community. Adulthood requires so many things from me. I feel so suffocated and I fear letting down my family, my friends, and the community. But now, none of that matters.
We all feel the same way. We just want the time to stop and enjoy our youth. We fear the idea of finding jobs and paying taxes. We’re just so sick of watching while the minutes, and hours pass, and yet we’re still nowhere. The fear of what will tomorrow bring is frightening. But what matters is that we’re here, very much alive. We’re all here, pretending that the world is ours. We danced and bang our heads as the rhythm goes.
“Maybe it’s not my weekend, but it’s gonna be my year!”, we shouted at the top of our lungs. It’s a pact I and he shares. It’s our thing. I love every word of it, as much as Alex does. We promised that to ourselves. We talked about how we want to feel weightless. It’s been a crazy and tiring day, we, somehow, want to take a break. We poured out our reactions to everything we feel, as we sing and dance like crazy ones. Alex takes a step back and gives me enough space to sing with him. I appreciate his effort. We filled the room with excitement and youth. I loved every second of this moment.
A few more seconds and I already feel my heart, it’s beating like crazy. It’s almost as if, it wants to get out of my chest. I love this feeling. Slowly, I forgot how cruel the world is. As we continue singing, I forgot how frightening tomorrow is. As the rhythm of the drums go crazy, I forgot all the deadlines and stuff. As we shout at the top of our lungs, I forgot how scared I was. It was just me, Alex, Robert, Jack, Zack and this moment. Nothing else matters. No more worries. No more ifs and buts. I feel as if I can do almost everything.
A few more head bangs and jumpings, and he was gone. Three minutes and thirty seconds have passed. His voice still echoes inside my head, it lingers. But sadly he’s nowhere now, and I’m alone. Seemed a short time but, nevertheless, it helped me a lot. I stare at the blank space in front of me. I can feel the beating of my heart go slow, returning to its old, depressed, scared state. I sink into the thought that this is reality. I needed to grow up. Time is inevitable; it’s pointless to dream about stopping it. The silence is almost deafening.
It’s just me and the ticking of the clock this time. One, two, I felt how cruel the world is. Three, four, I fear what will tomorrow bring. Five, six, I’m reminded of the deadlines and all the paperwork in school. Seven, eight, I am so afraid. Nine, ten, I am all alone. These thoughts have drowned my feelings. What’s scarier is that I can’t stop the time. Sadness fills my lungs, it makes breathing so much harder. Help me out.
I needed to hear him again. I long for Alex’s voice. I crave the music Robert, Jack and Zack create. I get my phone; go to my playlist and type in Weightless by All Time Low. I guess it’s the 25th time this week, they won’t mind it though. I pressed the play button.
“Manage me, I’m a mess.” We met again.
You can listen to a playlist that I made too!
Long live. Cya!